I was talking to Dasun tonight and, as I rambled, the Lord revealed something to me that really saddened me...okay...made me start sobbing. I feel like we have been so busy lately and that my time at home with the girls has been really lacking. Don't get me wrong, I love the girls and I would always say they are a blessing, but my actions have not been backing that up. I have been merely tiding them over with a little bit of my time, Getting them situated and happy so that I can get some work done around here. This is necessary from time to time, but I think what broke my heart is that it has become habit. I have treated them as something to manage (happily, playfully, but manage) rather than something to enjoy. I do play with them, talk to them, and have one on one time with each of them throughout the day (and always love it), but there's also a lot of time I miss out on because of multi-tasking. ex. folding laundry while playing restaurant with Kennedy, checking e-mail while feeding Adelynn, cleaning the kitchen while watching the girls play... Why can't I just stop and be in the moment with them?
None of those things are bad...the kitchen has to be cleaned, laundry done, e-mail checked, floors vacuumed, ...multi-tasking can be great too, but the problem is that there is ALWAYS something...always an excuse to put off playing until I get (insert task) done. The jobs aren't going to stop, so I am going to have to, regardless of what my perfectionism screams at me.
Children are blessings from the Lord. Scripture tells us that, so why do we so often think that everything else needs to get "done" before we can enjoy that blessing? I don't know whether it's a lie from the enemy or just our human nature, but I feel like an idiot to have bought into it. I have essentially been trading something real and beautiful for something fleeting. I am praising the Lord right now for opening my eyes to see what I am missing out on. I think we assume that if we are "at home" with them, we are able to spend this great time with them, but being home, doesn't make that so. There's plenty of work to do at home as well...plenty to keep you busy. And while those things have to be done, I KNOW I can be more intentional about the way I am spending my time. I DO NOT want to miss this!!!
If any of you have tips on how to keep things balanced, I would love to hear them! You can post a comment or email me at ashley.keylor[at]gmail[dot]com