9.01.2010

Heartbroken

Sunday night, my parents randomly dropped by, which they never do. My mom said she had some news and I quickly cleared the girls out of the room so we could talk. Her cancer is back. It's only been 4 months since she finished treatments, which made it even worse news, since apparently the cancer is even more aggressive than we knew. It has spread to her chest wall, her sternum, and her liver. My mom was basically talking to me about the fact that she was going to die, that she wasn't scared and was so grateful for the life she has already been given. She also wanted to talk to me about things she wanted to do for the girls before anything happened..... Needless to say, I was an emotional basket case. I tried to hold it together while she was there. I want to be strong for her, but we also just sat and wept together. I continued to break down through out the day Monday and Tuesday...random times. I just couldn't wrap my brain around it, and frankly, I didn't want to wrap my brain around it. I know that there's never a good time to lose someone you love. I know and trust the Lord's sovereignty, but I was just brokenhearted. I scoured the internet for hours ever night searching for some ray of hope, but they all said the same thing...pain management. No cure, no treatment options, just "a goal of pain management". My heart continued to shatter with each new site. Regardless of that though, I just couldn't be okay with giving up on hope yet. I felt like, by preparing myself for what was to come I was kind of giving up hope. I continued to cry out to the Lord for her healing and for her pain.

Thankfully the story doesn't end there...Tuesday afternoon, they went to the doctor and read the CT scan results image by image. They got some positive news for the first time. The cancer is in all the places they said it was, but the main concern was the liver. It turns out that she only has it in one area so far, so they think they may be able to remove it. They said that if it was in 2 or more spots, they wouldn't be able to do anything, so that's a huge blessing. They also said that the cancer is definitely in her chest and bones (it has already eaten a large hole in her sternum), but they think that radiation and some new medications may be able to help. We know FULL WELL that this is not a guarantee, but it's hope. Precious hope. I have been bawling like a baby in gratitude for this news of hope. I am praying that my mom's pain would be minimal and that she would have complete healing. Please please pray that with me. I covet your prayers for her.

4 comments:

The Wool Acorn said...

I'm so sorry. I don't even know you - just started following your blog a few weeks ago. But I am so sad for you and your family. I'm guessing her original diagnosis was breast cancer?

No doubt your prayers and faith give you much comfort in this time of need. And I hope that the surgery is an astonishing success that has you all remarking for years and years over the incredible miracle that has touched your lives.

(((hugs)))
Terri

(I'm 43 and have had breast cancer twice)

Joycee said...

dear Ashley, my heart breaks for you this morning as I read this. Your Mother is an amazing woman and she has raised two wonderfully strong, spiritual daughters who will somehow find the strength for this journey. I send you love and prayers, praying fervently as He has taught us...

Jan @ bobbypins boardwalk said...

Oh my -- I'm so sorry, my friend. I will certainly pray for you and your mother. Would you also like for me to include her on my prayer request link? Feel free to contact me bobbypinsboardwalk@yahoo.com.

You mom sounds so strong, willing to go along with whatever God's plans are for her, what a blessing to have such a mother. I pray that God will heal her and provide strength and comfort to your family.

Shirley said...

I just recently came across your blog and just want you to know that I'm praying for your mom's complete healing. I am so thankful that our God is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen"~Ephesians 3:20,21