7.05.2011

Struggling

Ugh...I am having such a hard time lately.
My mom is not doing better.
She's much worse than even a week ago.
It kills me to see her like this.
I try to distract myself constantly,
but as soon as I think about my mom
I just can't hold myself together.
I know that it's okay to cry,
but I don't feel like I can do that 24/7.
I have two beautiful girls relying on me.
I have friends that need me,
and work that has to get done.
It's always crazy to me how life
just goes on around you,
even when you feel like it should stop.
In a strange way, I am thankful for the busyness.
I dread being alone with my thoughts.
Does that make sense?

It's gotten bad enough that I had to talk to K about it.
She's known for a while that Mimi was sick
and not feeling well, but it's moved beyond that.
I needed to tell her about what might happen.
I didn't even know how to do that with a 5 year old.
I did a some research to make sure
it was the right thing to do and they all agreed.
I dreaded it, but the Lord was so good.
I even kept my emotions in check for most of it
(which is miraculous in and of itself at this point).
Once it began to sink in, she asked me some questions
and then she cried as she told me how she'd miss Mimi.
We both cried and hugged, and then we talked a little more.
I think it went as well as it could've
and I am so thankful for that.
Please continue to pray for my mama.
She's hurting so badly
and still having a lot of trouble getting a breath.
I know that this is generally a fun family blog,
but thank you for letting me be real about my heart
and thank you for praying with me. I am so grateful.

13 comments:

~Sutherland Smiles~ said...

Ashley~ I have no fancy words of encouragement (kind of wish I did), but I didn't want that to keep me for writing to let you know that you are in my prayers.... my heart hurts for you and your family. I pray for God to comfort you and that he will give you a peace... a peace that he can only give. I can see the legacy that your mom has left in your life and that you will pass that down to your girls.....and though we are perfect strangers....I thank God for that. Please know you are in my prayers~
~Deanna

April said...

My heart hurts for you Ash. Praying for you and your mom.

Amy said...

Ashley,
I am so sorry about your mother. She was such a positive role model for me as a teenager, and has always been an example of a Godly woman.

Prayers are going up for you all.

Amy McAnally Simpson

Kendra said...

Love you Ash!! Praying for your mom and your whole family. Remember you and your family are in the tender and loving hands of our Father...lean hard on Him and even when you feel like it's too hard to even do that, He's got you anyway. Here for you!!!

Kim and Bean said...

Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you out. I'm keeping you in my prayers.

Jenny said...

I'm so sorry, Ashley. You and your mom are always in my thoughts and prayers.

Joycee said...

Sweet Ashley, my heart goes out to you and your family and prayers up for all of you. Dear little ones who cannot understand fully, it's just so hard. Praying for peace and comfort for you all.
Colleen Tilton

Bonnie said...

Ashley, I don't have enough space to say all I want to say here in this comment. What a terribly hard conversation. I am praying so hard for you all. Thank you for your honesty and letting us know how we can pray specifically for you all. Love you friend.

Becky said...

Ashley,
Numbers 6:25-26

I am praying...

the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace."

We are praying for your mom and your family. I love you so much. We've been studying prayer at our bible study and it's the most aggressive, pro-active thing you can do. We will be aggressively praying!

Love you Ashley,
Becky
Becky

Beth said...

Praying for you, sweet friend. Praying for a peace that passes all understanding and the grace to hold fast to our Father through this tough time.

Theisen Trio said...

Still praying for your family and of course your Mother. May you all find rest/peace in HIS arms.

Tadd and Elizabeth said...

Ashley,
How my heart is breaking for you and your sweet family! I am praying so hard that you, your family, and your Mom have the peace you need to make it through this tough time. I have so been in your same shoes and even when you feel that things are too tough to handle God is with you always! It is so hard to understand at times. I will continue praying for miracles, no pain, and peace! Please let me know if you ever want to talk or even email. I sometimes felt all alone and as if no one could possibly feel the pain I was going through so I would love to help if I could in any way!! Your sweet girls will be okay because of the good mom you are, I know lots of good books to help them if you need them. Praying, Elizabeth

Tracy said...

You and your family have been on my mind and my heart all summer. Praying for God's peace for all of you.