7.31.2011

Update on My Mom

I am so sorry to those of you who are relying on me for updates on my mom.
It's been a little crazy around here lately.
We didn't go on our San Antonio trip, but we took a little mini vacation to Branson for a couple of days (July 16th and 17th) and were thankful she was even able to make that trip.
On that Saturday we had a great day together and my mom seemed to rally for a little while. She was even able to get in the pool with the kids for a little bit.
It was heaven to see her smiling and so happy.
Sunday was a different story. She woke up sick...very sick.
She couldn't keep anything down ...including her medicine, which meant that not only was she sick, she was also in a ton of pain. This went on for a few days. We tried to give her medicine to take away the nausea, but nothing seemed to helped.
Her nurse suggested that we bring her to the hospice house for a couple of days so they could try to get her medications figured out and get her pain under control.
We didn't tell most people about this because we needed her to be resting as much as possible and didn't want to panic anyone.
That's also where we celebrated my birthday.
It was a strange day...I felt so blessed to spend it with my mom,
but when she started to sing Happy Birthday,
I realized it would be the last time I would hear her do that.
I just sat down next to her, hugged her, and wept.

It ended up being a little over a week before she could come home and she was more than ready. The people at Hospice were more than wonderful,
but anyone that knows my mom knows how much she loves freedom.
When she got home she was so cute.
She could only be up for a minute or two at a time, but when she was up she was constantly tinkering and doing around as much as she could. : )

My mom wanted to take my sister and I out for dinner,
but since she couldn't, I planned for us to have a little pretend dinner instead.
It was such a sweet night together.

After she got back from the Hospice House,
it didn't take long for her to start getting really sick again and she still is.
She's not doing well at all.
Her little body is so frail and is in so much pain.
Her legs and feet are so swollen and bruised,
and through it all, she still has the same sweet little concern for others and sense of humor.
She still praises the Lord and talks about how she's not going to say goodbye because we'll see each other soon.
We still do plenty of crying though because we also know
that we'll miss each other like crazy.

Today my uncle Brett and his wife Julie came to sing to my mom.
You need to know that my mom's most favorite
thing in the world is to sing with Brett.
She usually sings beautifully and harmonizes so sweetly.
She tried a few times to sing, but when she couldn't,
she just sat smiling and dozing off every few seconds
She'd wake up and get tickled at herself for having fallen asleep again
and would tell us to wake her up because
she didn't want to miss a minute of it.
We all just gathered around her singing and praising Jesus
and when each song was over, she'd say,
"Oh that's beautiful! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"
or "I just want to soak it in"
She's so precious...and if it's possible, even cuter than before.

Thankfully I recorded a little of it and could get a picture off of the video:

It's been so difficult to watch her little body become frail
and to see her feel so horrible, but God has definitely
given us some precious precious moments together.
Today was one of those unexpected days...hard but beautiful.
I am excited for my mom, that one day soon,
she will be hearing beautiful voices singing all of the time
and she will be singing right along side them.
I am praying that the Lord would take away her pain soon...
even as hard as that is to pray.
I think it's the first time in my life that I have had to
completely die to myself in order to pray something.
I want it so badly for her, but dread living this life without her.

I'll leave you with a few verses that have spoken to my heart lately.
I wish I could explain how God has sustained us through this journey.
I know there are probably those that read this and don't understand why you would praise Jesus in a time like this, but He has proven Himself faithful, loving, and wise over and over again in my life and continues to do so through this trial.
I don't believe because I just choose to,
I believe because I have seen and know...
and now I lean into the knowledge of His past provision and goodness.

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Nahum 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him,


22 comments:

Theisen Trio said...

*Hugs* I am so glad you are having such special moments with your family and especially your Mom. Heaven is for real and we are so lucky to be able to cling to that. Thank you for the difficult update...I have been watching for one and thinking of you.

sara @ it's good to be queen said...

Oh sweet friend. Love you so so much. Praying you feel Jesus so close today.

Joycee said...

Praying with you and for you sweet little Ashley, that Jesus holds you close and gives your Mom and all of your family comfort in this most difficult time. He will sustain you in the good days and the bad, he will feed your spirit and when you cannot take another step, He will carry you dear one.

Christy said...

I just wept as I read your post....praying for you and your family. Christy

Lindsey Cobb said...

praying for you....love you!

The Lane Family said...

Thank you for the post. I want so badly to give you a hug. It is long overdue. I am weeping for you and your family at this moment. You are so brave, Ash. It is such an encouragement to know that our God gives that peace that surpasses all understanding.Please know you guys are being prayed for from Benton. Love you. Mandy

Sydney, Tom, & Stella said...

Ashley,
thank you for sharing. I'm praying for sweet moments with your mom and a peace that only God can provide. You talk about how amazing your mom is, well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Praying for you friend!

Sydney

righteousnessbyfaith said...

sigh....I had to step away from reading this half way through it because my eyes were so full of tears that the screen went blurry. I can hardly bare to even read this Ashley, so I cannot imagine what you have been and are going through.
I am so thankful for these precious moments that you have had with your mom. What a blessing to have these to hold onto and cherish forever.
I am praying for you and your family. God is always good and when we feel like we have nothing else left, we can always trust in this....in Him and in His goodness, even when we don't understand it.
love you so much.

Betsy said...

I am weeping with you and feel your sadness. Love you so much. You and your mom and family are such an inspiration! You are true children of God and He is so proud or your example and love. Continually praying!

Kendra said...

My sweet, precious friend...I love you and am praying for you all. Thank you for writing your post. What a precious sight in His eyes to see you all singing His praises during this very difficult time.

Heatherdillard@mac.com said...

Ashely, I am crying my eyes out as I read your post. You, your mom and your whole family have something so special and are such beautiful people!! I admire your faith and your love for your family. Thanks for letting us in and seeing God work and sustain you during this horrible time. Love and prayers coming your way!
Heather

Lynn said...

I haven't commented before but feel that I have to after reading this sweet post. It seems so hard to put things in perspective for people that don't believe in those promises that you quoted from the scripture. I am so blessed to be part of a family that knows and believes those God promises too. The part you are playing in your mother's journey to Heaven is incrediblly special. You will have the most precious and loving memories to sustain you through all the hurting days ahead. Praying for peace that passeth all understanding for you all. For pain free days for your mom and a sweet passage into Heaven.

Sharon said...

Oh my goodness. You are amazing. I just can't put myself there and don't even try. I'm so proud of your attitude and am praying for your sweet family!

Chris and Carrie said...

This is such a beautiful post, Ashley. The pictures of your family are so sweet. I am in constant prayer for all of you :) Love you sweet friend...

Jaime said...

love you, ashley! as hard as they are, you will forever treasure these days.

A Birthday Gift to Mom said...

What a precious act of worship. I pray you and your family continue to find peace and strength as you offer to God all glory and praise as you walk this journey out. Much love and prayers!

Lydia said...

Praying! Love you, friend!

Jenny said...

Praying for you and your family.

IM GIRL said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IM GIRL said...

Sending love and prayers your way and praising Jesus for this precious time with your mom. Thank you for sharing the update on your mom with with us. You are an amazing person and we will keep you and your family lifted up in our prayers. It's okay to be weak because GOD is strong.
We love you,
Gary and Kim Collister

Kim and Bean said...

Ashley, I'm praying for you!!! I'm praying for your mom and your entire family, but I'm really praying for you! I pray when you feel God's peace you know that "this is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was that when everything fell, we'd be held." God's holding you in the center of his palm. He knows right where you are, what you are thinking, and how much you need him! I pray God rains down on you peace and comfort. I also pray that you see his miracles work in your life - BIG and small! I know what it's like to lose a parent, but I don't know what you are feeling exactly because we all deal with things differently. I just pray that your every need is met. If there is anything I can do, just let me know. I love you for so many reasons! You're an amazing person! Kim

Tadd and Elizabeth said...

Ashley, it's my third time to read this post and try to comment! My eyes just fill with tears and its hard to swallow when I try and put how I feel for you into words! Your journey and pain are so real to me and I so admire your strength and faith during this tough time! I am so glad you were able to get away and are trying to make as many special memories right now as possible. You will always cherish those times together even through the pain!
You are constantly on my mind and in my prayers! I am praying for your peace and for your Moms pain to be as minimal for her as possible, I know that is so hard to
see! I am hear for you if you ever want to talk! Love, Elizabeth