Holidays (how we're doing)

We are doing okay...some ups and downs for sure, but okay.
Trying to gear up for the holidays
which I am not really looking forward to, to be totally honest.

I have mixed feelings of being sad,
but also having to be the one in charge of everything.
I want to make it special for everyone,
but I am definitely feeling her absence and
you can only stuff it down for so long before it spills over.
I am trying to make sure I give myself
some time to just be sad,
even though there's not much free time to be had.
Grieving is work.
I think that's why busyness and denial are so alluring.
No one wants to sit down and do crappy work. : )

Anyway, all that is true, but there are times
when there's a reprieve from it all
and I feel normal and okay.
Definitely times of laughter and happiness.
And new memories are being made all the time.
I feel truly blessed...truly.


Kendra said...

You and your precious family are in my prayers this holiday season. I am so sorry for the heartache you must feel. I wanted to say this before but wanted it to come out right. I know you are making everything special for your family. I want you to know that everything IS special. Your love and devotion to making it special IS the very thing that makes it so. Love you and praying for peace and joy as you gather with your family this year. <3

mustard seed said...

Praying for you. The first year of holidays is truly the hardest :(

sara @ it's good to be queen said...

love you friend. i've been thinking about you so much and praying for you.

jenrumley said...

Love you friend! All those first are so indescribably hard. I hope yesterday was a sweet time despite the missing, and I know your family was so blessed by your precious heart to serve them. Love you!

Ruth said...

I'm glad you're hanging in there. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Remember you're in a time of healing and take it easy.
The girls are getting so big and are so darling!